Powerlessness and Unmanageability

If you find yourself slipping back into patterns of unhealthy, compulsive, obsessive (addictive) eating despite “periods of control”, it might be helpful to explore the concepts of powerlessness and unmanageability in a different light.

We'll focus on understanding what it means to be powerless over compulsive eating and recognizing that our lives have become unmanageable. Even if you feel you can control your eating at times, the cycle of returning to unhealthy, addictive, and compulsive eating patterns may indicate a deeper issue needing to be addressed.

Before we dive deeper, we want to clarify a distinction that can help us better understand our behaviors and challenges.

The difference between

"Problem Eaters" and "Real Food Addicts"

The Problem Eater:

Their Problem is weight.

Their Solution is proper diet with accountability

One affliction: a compulsuion of the Body

They are not addicted so they do not need a higher power to deliver them from food.
Not addicted so they do not need the steps to deliver them from food
The rest of life is manageable for the most part. Finances, Family, relationships, careers, emotional health- life is going well.
Weight is their problem. Fix the weight, life is quite manageable.
A proper diet and accountability is enough to achieve indefinite abstinence because food and the physical cravings are their problem.

Once the physical problem of craving has been arrested with abstinence, abstinence can be maintained by character and self discipline. There is noNo obsession of the mind that the addict has to contend with

The Real Food Addict:

Their Problem is Unmanageability

Their Solution is a power greater than themselves and offloading their character defects
Two Affictions: compulsion of the body and an obsession of the mind

Troubles with personal relationships: family and a work
Cant control their emotions, ignore the voices in their heads or delusional thinking patterns
Can't make a satisfactory living- feelings of inadequacy, unhappy career and economic insecurity
Feelings of uselessness and obsessed with self
deep seeded feelings of anxiety and depression
Overwhelmed by fear or impending doom
Resentments with life in general
seem to be of little use to others
Eating for comfort shows up as excess weight on their bodies
beyond character, self will and human Aid
has the "Peculiar Mental twist" (the mental obsession that is not repaired with sustained abstinence)
Those with a deep faith find their concept of God is insufficient to arrest their eating

For the Addict, Life without my addictive food is like being in prison

The Dilemma for a real food addict is generally not getting abstinent. It is living in pain during abstinence without the anesthetic of food. Living abstinently without the anesthesia of our favorite foods leaves us facing the rest of our problems that drive us crazy. We eventually go back to the food to numb the pain of life or replace food with something else to make life palatable. 80% of folks with stomach surgeries will eventually turn to alcohol when food is no longer available in sufficient quantities to

anesthetize

The "Bedevilments"

of Addiction

The Big Book of AA describes "The Bedevilments" of the real alcoholic (addiction) nearly 90 years ago:

"We were having trouble with personal relationships, we couldn't control our emotional relationships, we couldn't make a living, we had a feeling of uselessness, we were full of fear, we were unhappy, we couldn't seem to be of real help to other people-was not a basic solution of these bedevilments more important that whether we should see newsreels of lunar flight?"

Which one are you?

If your problem is food, a diet will work for you.

If your problem is addiction, you will ultimately fail at clean abstinence no matter how much willpower you try to exercise. It won't be enough. The true addict by medical definition is beyond will power and human aid. The True Addict is powerless.

Only a power greater than yourself can help.

If you are a real food addict there HOPE!

This is working for us!

Eating Addiction vs. Food Addiction:

The Food Addict:

- Addicted to the Substance

This term often implies a dependence on specific types of foods, a form of substance addiction. Those who identify with food addiction may find themselves drawn to particular foods not limited to sugar, carbohydrates, fats, or processed foods, experiencing cravings and withdrawal symptoms similar to those seen in other substance addictions. Preferences and sensitivities vary greatly between individuals. What substance bothers one may leave another untouched.

**The term 'food addiction' suggests that certain foods have addictive properties, which lead individuals to consume them in a compulsive manner despite negative consequences.**

The Addictive Eater:

- Addicted to the Behaviors around eating

**On the other hand, 'eating addiction ' is a process addiction which focuses on the behavior of eating rather than the obsession with specific substances consumed. Examples could include eating when in the car regardless of hunger or meal times. Over eating at a sporting event, or movie house regardless of hunger. Eating for entertainment or to celebrate. When we finish the celebration with family and friends, we usually go home and continue to stuff ourselves where we feel safe and without embarrassment. Normal people stop when full but for the addict is a an excuse to over indulge and the episodes increasingly frequent. It describes a compulsion to eat way more than most, driven by behavioral and emotional factors rather than the addictive properties of specific foods.**

Eating addiction aligns more closely with other non-substance-related disorders like gambling disorder or shopping addiction, highlighting the compulsive behavior associated with eating.

_____________________________________________

Regardless of whether you identify more with food addiction (substance addiction) or ***eating addiction, (process addiction) both* reflect patterns of unhealthy, addictive, and compulsive eating. Most of us have concluded that we have attributes of both. The food addict will find it impossible to control their consumption of specific foods once they take the first bite. The addictive eater may be able to control their eating behaviors for a time but eventually slip back into ever increasing patterns of unhealthy, compulsive, obsessive (addictive) eating despite “periods of control”. All who struggle with either or both of these issues is welcome here."**

What Does It Mean to be Powerless?

Powerlessness for the addictive eater:

* despite periods of control, we inevitably slip back into old patterns and relapse- hallmarks of compulsive eating...the mental obsession.
* manifests as an inability to maintain consistent eating habits, doing well for a time, even months or years but eventually returning to overeating/ eating addictively. Unable to stop once started, this struggle is not about willpower or self control.
* We are beyond human aid including my own willpower.

NEGATIVE willpower is equally powerful as POSITIVE willpower. That is why willpower CANNOT overcome addiction. Doing more and trying harder is futile.

Powerlessness for the food addict

the inability to choose to stop eating the substances over which we are powerless. No amount of willpower or self control will suffice.
manifests as the inability to stay stopped. Once the first bite is eventually taken, the physical allergy takes over.
we are beyond human aid.

How does powerlessness manifest in our lives?

The effects of powerlessness in our lives show up in many areas, including our finances, housekeeping, relationships, and mental outlook, among others. In short, our lives are totally out of control.

What Does It Mean That My Life Has

Become Unmanageable?

Unmanageability refers to the impact that this cycle of unhealthy eating has on my life. It might not always be dramatic, but it often includes feeling out of control, experiencing guilt or shame after overeating, and dealing with health issues related to your eating habits.

Unmanageability can also be seen in the emotional toll it takes. You may feel restless, irritable, or discontent when you try to control your eating. This internal struggle is a significant part of unmanageability. It’s not just about the external consequences, but also about how this cycle affects your mental and emotional well-being."

It has been our experience, that when we first focus on getting our eating under control and then immediately move to shoring up our program by doing a rigorous inventory of our behaviors. Amazingly our lives gradually become more manageable. Over time, the sense of unmanageability fades, and we regain a sense of peace and well being.

Why Is It Necessary for me to Admit Powerlessness and Unmanageability?

Admitting powerlessness and unmanageability is crucial because it opens the door to real, lasting change- the Big Book solution. Here’s why this admission is essential:

***Acceptance of Reality*: By admitting powerlessness, we accept that this cycle of control and relapse is a pattern that needs to be addressed. This acceptance is the first step towards breaking the cycle.**

Openness to Help: Recognizing your struggle makes you more open to seeking help. While support groups and therapy are good for identifying problems, they do not provide a lasting solution for guilt, resentments and fears. Only a power greater than yourself can provide a lasting solution by taking them from you.

Foundation for Change: This admission provides a foundation for change. It helps us let go of the illusion that we can manage this on our own and allows us to engage fully in a structured recovery program.

***Relief from Delusion*: Admitting powerlessness helps you break through delusion. Delusion keeps you trapped in the cycle, but acceptance allows you to see the problem clearly and take steps to address it.**

***Spiritual Growth*: Acknowledging powerlessness can be the first step towards spiritual growth. It can help you connect with a higher power or find a greater purpose beyond your struggle with food."**

“Isn't going back to eating whatever I want, whenever I want, just a dangerous game of Russian Roulette for me?”

It is not just about us

"I quit drugs a little more than 4 years ago. Gained 150 lbs. I kind of plateaued after I gained a hundred pounds but then my daughter committed suicide a year ago and I have been very severe ever since."

People are watching us. Our friends. Our families. We do not realize the seriousness of overcoming our addiction. We dont see the consequences of picking up something else. Someone is watching you.

Someone hangs on you. A family member is watching you. A friend is watching you. Your life is a story that someone else is reading. Tragically, this individual didn't realize that resuming addiction in another substance gave the impression that there were no solutions available to the daughter from the parent. Unfortunately we hear this story in similar forms on a regular basis. Food addicts lose children to suicide on a regular basis. Their children do not find a solution being modeled for them. They see hopelessness, despair and defeat. . There is no program of attraction.

We are no means faulting this poor individual or the daughter. It is tragic and this story is repeated too often. Having lost a son ourselves we know this pain. We hope this individual finds the solution.

Questions:

Can we use others as a motivation to find a solution for ourselves?
Can we become a program of attraction to those we love?
Can we model recovery for those around us?
Can we submit to the actions of the 12 steps so that those around us see a solution that works?
Can we demonstrate that life no longer has to be unmanageable?

Take a test: Can I Relate?

Can I Identify with these?

• Having an occasional binge for no reason

• Overeating at events

• Rewarding oneself with food

• Inconvenient weight gain

• Planning life events around food

• seek out favorite foods that bring pleasure

• Dieting to lose weight

• Obsessing over exercise to control weight

• Bingeing and purging to keep weight off

• Depression and seeking mood altering medications

• Eating in secret to avoid embarrassment

• Restricting caloric intake

• Seeking out eating buddies who eat like us

· Unable to fit in the seat at an amusement park or on an airplane

• Isolating from healthy people

• Using pills, powders and potions to control food desires

• Seeking surgical and medical solutions and intervention

• Obesity – less than 50 lbs

• Giving up on restraint and diving into food more and more often

• Acquiring Physical Health complications and diseases

• feelings of Despair

• Eating because I don’t care anymore

• Morbid obesity – over 50 lbs

• Hospitalizations and doctor visits

• Death due to other diseases but never acknowledging the root cause of

obesity

Do I have Mental Obsessions - Process addictions I treat with food

• Do I eat to relieve boredom?

• Do I eat to relieve anxiety?

• Do I eat to relieve fear?

• Do I eat to relieve resentment?

• Do I eat because I could not control the actions of others?

• Do I eat to disconnect suffering from the actions of others?

• Do I eat relieve political fears?

• Do I eat relieve religious discomfort?

• Do I eat soothe feelings grandiosity?

• Do I eat to alter my appearance whether larger or smaller?

• Do I eat cope with discomfort in social situations?

• Do I eat relieve stress at work?

• Do I eat to celebrate?

• Do I eat to show love?

• Do I eat to escape stress?

• Do I eat when I feel restless or disturbed?

• Do I eat in the car even though I’m not hungry?

• Do I eat to have something in my mouth?

Do I eat to comfort delusions and belief patterns?

Do I have Obsessive Behavioral problems that I treat with food

Do you often find yourself at the end of your day needing help to calm down or "come down" from the day's stress and anxiety?

Do you rely on food to soothe yourself when feeling stressed, anxious, or overwhelmed?

Do you notice that eating helps you to suppress uncomfortable emotions or avoid dealing with anxiety and traumatic feelings?

Do you find that eating helps you relax and fall asleep at night?

Do you choose creamy foods specifically to soothe or manage stress?

Do you choose crunchy foods specifically to metabolize stress or manage anxiety?

Have you ever felt that your eating habits keep you from addressing underlying emotional issues in a healthy way?

Do you feel that your stress eating has become frequent and uncontrollable, and is it the primary way you manage stress?

Do you ever eat large quantities of food to fill an emotional "hole" or void?

Do you recognize that using food to cope with stress has kept you from developing healthier coping mechanisms?

Have you ever felt ashamed or guilty about your eating habits, especially when eating to cope with stress or anxiety?

Do you find that you are able to suppress anxious feelings during the active times but feel them intensely during down times in your day?

Do you use food especially in the inactive times of your day to deal with the pent-up anxiety?

Do you eat to feel better about disturbances in your beliefs, politics and religious thoughts?

The truth is that addiction must be diagnosed by the addicted person. We don't need to go to a costly professional because ONLY YOU can diagnose yourself as addicted. Outside opinions will not convince you at your core that you are addicted no matter their professional qualifications. It must come from within YOU.

You have read many questions we’ve collected from food addicts describing themselves. Look to your answers to diagnose if you are powerless over your eating. Maybe you tend to be powerless around certain foods or substance addiction. Maybe you tend to be powerless around thought processes that drive us to food. Maybe you tend to be powerless over habits and routines that are soothed by our behaviors and actions. Maybe you can stop for periods of time and control your eating but eventually you end up back in the food or behavioral addiction. Most of us have a combination of both. The Big Book of AA calls it a physical allergy accompanied by a mental obsession.

Whatever those things are that drive us, realize that this is a progressive disease:

Questions:

Do I see that I am in a downward spiral?

Can I recognize my problems and tendencies in addiction when I hear the experiences of others?

Let us set up a hypothetical situation to illustrate:

A visit to your doctor informs you that you have a lump of cancer and that would it be prudent to decide to begin treatment immediately. Would one lump be hitting a bottom for me and spur me into action? Would I wait until I have twenty or maybe even fifty lumps to begin treatment? Will it take 10 or 50 lumps to spur me into action?

Just like cancer, food addiction only grows over time. The longer we wait to treat it, the more actions we must take to arrest it.